dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
