i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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