I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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