Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
