I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
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