You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
