these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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