Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
