if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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