You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found puke in my bra..
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
