Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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