I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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