So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
