Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
