i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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