I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
