He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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