This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
This baby is an asshole
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
