Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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