I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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