If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
