Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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