There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
