In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
