Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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