I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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