is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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