At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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