look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i now understand why vodka
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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