i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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