My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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