dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
