billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
