you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Rumble strips road head = magical
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
