i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
