New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
