wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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