hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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