I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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