Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
