Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
