the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
