you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
