I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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