you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
