Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
