I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
