I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everclear isn't food dammit
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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