in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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