There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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