i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
