would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
