From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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