my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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