I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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