no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
