Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Your penis caused this!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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