new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
