My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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