WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
