I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
