So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
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My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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