marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
