If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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