That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
