Can i not drive my cunt home
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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