the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
