i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
