Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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