Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
