A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
birth control should be required to get into college
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
