i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
