Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
