Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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