i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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