You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
