He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
