I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
