i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
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You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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