I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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